Ten lamest ads running on TV now

10. Docomo mobile portability and 3G ads – I am a fan of Docomo’s commercials, which is why I am disappointed with their latest effort.

9. Reliance 3G Mix Your Worlds – All the ads in this campaign: Eye-testing, Yoga and the guy who blurts idiotic thoughts in the middle of a meeting.

8. Nescafe Cold Coffee – The one where skin-and-bones, Deepika Padukone, shimmies and shakes to work up some froth. The ‘Know your neighbour’ ads were much better.

7. Hero Honda ‘Dhak-dhak-Go, India Go’ – The makers didn’t understand the difference between patriotism and jingoism. And for a brand which was inspired by ‘Hamara Bajaj’, I think they should tone it down a bit.

6. LG AC and Kenstar Cooler – Why would the whole family play football after installing an air-conditioner?

5. Maruti Suzuki SX4 Diesel – How many times have we seen this idea before: Men making women wait for the all-important occasion? The execution is so puerile that the message, ‘Men are back’ should be replaced with, ‘Grow up boys’.

4. Colgate Maxfresh starring Shahid Kapur, Sehwag, Gambhir, Zaheer – A classic case of the advertisers not knowing what to do with all these big names after signing them up. Didn’t the ad director and the creative director get a feeling that this is not going well while doing the shoot?

3. Coca Cola Brrrr – Humff! What was this all about?

2. Lava A10 Where the cashier doles out condoms instead of change by looking at the size of the phone – And we thought girls judged guys by the size of their palms, feet, nose and what not! Thanks for this new tip.

1. All deo ads – Zatak, where the girl falls for the loser-next-door on her wedding night, Neil Nitin Mukesh frolicking with two girls in a convertible, the story of an Axe can… basically all the deo commercials.

The Wego ad throws us off-balance

In today’s market place, where style often rules over substance, the new TVS Wego ad strikes a fine balance between both. More importantly, it manages to amuse.

When I first saw the beginning of the commercial, I wondered what this is all about. But aren’t all good ads supposed to intrigue you? For the next 20 seconds or so, the girls riding pillion continue to outdo each other as the amatory quotient grows more risqué. The gyration and contortion of their bodies keep pace with their facial expressions. And when you see the eventual winner suggestively moving her arms on her beau’s chest, and the third arm emerges, you think where this is going. Cocky, but smart! And all the while, the funny background score tempers the spicy proceedings.

The best thing about the Wego commercial ad is that it gets the message across riding piggyback on humour that is intentionally silly. One of the cleverer ads I have seen in recent times. And like a good movie or a book, it has repeat value. Good for the brand!

Has the Nano lost the key to happiness?

When it was announced in 2005, the Tata Nano was touted as the dream of millions of aspiring car owners and the nightmare of environmentalists and city planners. Instead, Nano’s dwindling sales are giving sleepless nights to Tata Motors executives. Why has the price-sensitive Indian stayed away from an automobile custom-made for him?

I got the answer from my wife. When I expressed my desire to buy the Nano, she cringed at the thought of being seen by her friends in a Nano. And this repartee from a middle class woman, who doesn’t mind being seen bargaining for apparel on the Linking Road.

The Nano seems to have lost the plot while positioning the car. Right from the word go, Tata Motors positioned it solely as an economical car. How else would you explain why the Nano sold only 509 units in November 2010 as against 32,377 Maruti Altos in the same period (The cheapest car in India after the Nano, around Rs 2.5 lakh). The consumer connect was missing. The consumer doesn’t mind buying an economical car, but he wouldn’t like to be branded as ‘cheap’.

The promotional strategy was also erroneous. The Nano was promoted through a social media campaign! Would the family delicately perched on a scooter be expected to open a Facebook account and get a Twitter handle? They would be happy to see the Nano being promoted in perhaps the only shopping mall in their small town. Or in the vicinity of the vegetable market, railway station, petrol pump, a tractor showroom. And the urbanites active on the social media wouldn’t want to be seen driving a Nano. So, it was clearly a case of looking East and heading West.

The missing connect also might explain why the Nano’s sales declined after the media flashed images of a Nano up-in-flames. Why didn’t people give up drinking cola even after they found pesticides, gutka packets and chaddi naadas in their bottles?

For a car meant for the masses, it was hardly a good idea to sell it through a lottery. Out of the 2,00,000 initial bookings, only 1,00,000 ‘lucky’ customers would get the Nano. Ultimately, only 77,000 of these drove home in the lakhtakiya car. This gave an impression that the waiting period for Nano is too long.

The overconfidence of Tata Motors executives is largely to blame. They thought that the Nano would sell only because it was ‘the Nano’. The company hardly took any efforts to market the product, until three weeks back when it came out with the television campaign. This should have been done at the cusp of the launch, and minus the ‘economical car’ badge.

Still, all is not lost yet. The Nano still has the potential to be a game-changer. Remember, it costs half its nearest competitor. With a little more marketing pizzazz, it can still find the key to happiness. And when it does that, I will be happy to buy it in a Rs 1.25 lakh straight down payment.

Did you say ‘coalition dharma’?

For many years now, the Indian media has been liberally using the words ‘coalition dharma’ to describe how political parties in an alliance of convenience should conduct themselves.

Most probably, it was a politico who coined this term since only a politician would believe that there is any dharma (righteousness) left in politics. Quite often we hear Ms Sonia Gandhi and Dr Manmohan Singh uttering these words in exasperation (Ms Gandhi) and desperation (Dr Singh).

Whatever the origins of the term, but a little more discretion, logic and a change in semantics is necessary since the term sounds as discordant as a trumpet blown in a funeral. Is there any dharma left in Indian politics? Not only is it erroneous, even phonetically it doesn’t sound right.

Play these names in your mind, and try convincing yourself if you can associate the word ‘dharma’ with these people – Lalu Prasad Yadav, Mamata Banerjee, A Raja, N Karunanidhi, Mayawati. Also recall the 2G-Raja-Radia-Tata nexus, the Adarsh Housing scam, Commonwealth sleaze, land usurping allegations by Yeddyurappa and Narayan Rane, and you will know why I brought up this issue.

How about substituting ‘dharma’ with ‘back-scratching/back-stabbing’?

What’s with the old songs being rehashed as jingles?

Every brand seems to be doing it these days – Cadbury, SBI Life, Coca Cola, Scooty Pep, Anchor toothpaste, Maruti Zen Estilo. Rehashing yesteryear Hindi songs into ad jingles.

While we won’t discuss about the intellectual property rights issues, it is certainly interesting to know why brands prefer to follow a trend and fall into a mould, once someone has created it. And we thought advertising is all about creating unique selling propositions!

Talking about the execution aspect, I don’t think the advertisers do complete justice to the beauty and melody of the old gems. Even in the execution aspect, there is hardly any novelty – the singer usually tries to sing like Shamshaad Begum in an artificial nasal twang. It doesn’t sound like a jingle, but more of a parody.

It would work better for the brands if they came up with original jingles – that way they can create a wider mind space, offer a platform for upcoming talent and spare the souls of legendary artists who may be rolling in their grave.

Simply delightful communication

Orange, Hutch, Vodafone… the brand names may have changed; but what hasn’t is its textbook approach to communication. Simple, intelligent, and more importantly, cost effective! While its competitors employ big ticket celebrities to endorse them, Vodafone has a pug, a loud mouth parrot, Zoo-Zoos, and unknown school and college kids doing the job for them. The brand’s ability to refrain from celebrities, and consistently churn out commercials, which make their point without making a fuss, is simply remarkable.

It started with the pug following the boy everywhere. Then the pug assisted a young girl with her chores. Then along came the egg-headed Zoo-Zoos with their antics on an alien planet. In between there were four guys making a confusing conference call and a college kid who cannot believe his luck while checking out his grades on the notice board. Some really nice ads! But I personally liked the acerbic, perennially irritated Irani parrot.

Sample this: ‘Ddeepeeka mera gurlfrend hain’, ‘Salli goti ka salli, gilli dande ka gilli’… words which delight, animation which makes you chuckle and message sugar-coated with entertainment. What do you need a celebrity for? Wish we could see more of the parrot! The school girls were introduced a wee bit early, I thought. The parrot still had the potential to entertain us with its harangue.

Another brand, which I feel has managed to pull if off without spending a bomb is Tata Indicom. But let’s reserve that for another post.

Give us the parrot and the pug any day. They entertain more than the nasal-twanged Saif and Dhoni, who seem like they are in a hurry to get done with the ad shoot, and return to what they do best – act in the movies and swing the bat.

Media’s ‘adarsh’ conduct

The Indian media has often been accused of being vindictive, hasty, immature, over-the-top and much more. Several times in my blog, I have accused it of being less than ideal. But when it came to exposing the Adarsh Housing Society scandal, it has played its cards right.

Both the print and electronic press have been relentless and ruthless in assassinating the reputations of everyone involved in the scam – the chief minister of Maharashtra, bureaucrats, defence chiefs, part-time politicians, full-time scammers. The media deserves some credit for disrobing the naked ambitions of these black sheep, and almost claiming the scalp of the chief minister. But most unfortunately, the list of these shameless 103 includes two former defence chiefs.

Now only if the media gives up chasing the likes of Rakhi Sawant for her bytes, it might get some time to expose many more such ‘anadarshs’.